25
by ShutUpAndSleepWithMe
Summary: 25 reasons DN characters are better than... well... everybody. All in good humor
1. Chapter 1

**Hello There!**  
><strong>Just so you know beforehand, this "chapter" is not really a chapter. Its a really long andisclaimer (and a short little story at the end, because you can't have an authors note as a chapter).**  
><strong>Might as well put the disclaimer here. This is a blanket disclaimer, meaning that I do not own anything that is own-able (is that a word? oh, well, it is now!). Everything belongs to its creator(s), not me! This goes for every chapter.<strong>  
><strong>Ok, done with that.<strong>  
><strong>This fic is called 25. Each chapter will be 25 reasons why a DN character is better than a character from something else. The first three will be L is better than Edward; Misa is better than Bella; and Light is better than Jacob. As of right now, I only have the first two done. They are all against Twilight characters, because that is where I got the idea. Theres a fic called "25 reasons L is better than Edward" (I think thats its title) in the DNTwilight crossover section. I swear to god I was only in there looking for a good parody fic. Didn't find one, but got an idea. In that other fic, half of the reasons why L is better than Edward is that L isn't gay... That was really annoying. So I challenged myself to come up with 25 reasons than my own. And then I thought Misa is way better than Bella, so came up with 25 reasons for her too. Now I have to do Light and Jacob, to finish out the Twitard Trifecta.**  
><strong>After I'm done with those three, I want to do more. 25 reasons Near is cuter than... Well... IDK yet. I need a suggestion for a character that is usually thought of as cute and fluffy. OOOOH, maybe a pokemon! That would be good!<strong>  
><strong>And I want to do a MattMello (as a couple) is better than some other couple. Need suggestions for that too.**  
><strong>And Matsuda against another lovable idiot. Need a suggestion for that one too. If you have a suggestion, and you have a couple reasons already why the DN character is better than the other character, share those too. It would help me out a lot.<strong>  
><strong>If you do have suggestions, please make it something that is easily recognizable to lots of people (like Harry Potter, or DBZ. Not something that not a large percentage of people aren't into). I don't want to put up 25 reasons why so-and-so is better than whats-their-name from that book that hardly anybody read, thus making it so that few people will get the jokes.<strong>  
><strong>Hell, if you want to write a full 25 reasons, but don't want to post it yourself, I'll put it up here.<strong>  
><strong>Anyway, I think I'm done with this ridiculously long andisclaimer. So, just go to the next chapter and read on, my friends! Read on.**  
><strong>Or, you can read this little story. Use your imagination at the end.<strong>

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><p>Matt had a headache. A very bad one. "Mellllooooo. Meeeeeeellllloooo..."<br>"WHAT!"  
>"I have a headache."<br>"Hmm." Mello glanced at the redhead currently leaning over the arm of the couch in his direction. "What am I supposed to do about it?"  
>"Get me a Tylenol, please" Matt pleaded with his amazingly adorable puppy dog eyes.<br>"Fine. If it will get you to shut up, I'll get you one." With that, Mello stomped out of the room in the direction of the bathroom. He came back less than a minute later. "Here, take this."  
>Matt looked at the pill Mello offered him. "This doesn't look like a normal Tylenol..." The pill was yellow, and had a cartoon character etched into it.<br>"That's because its a children's Tylenol. You're being such a baby, so I got you baby Tylenol."  
>"Oh. OK." Matt took said 'baby Tylenol'.<br>-A few minutes later-  
>"Mello Mello Mello Mello Mello!"<br>"WHAT!"  
>"HI! What was that pill? I don't think that was Tylenol."<br>"You're right, it wasn't."  
>"Well, what was it?"<br>"Ecstasy. Matt, you just took ecstasy."

Use your imagination to decide what Matt does while on x. lol.


	2. Chapter 2

**25 Chapter 1: L Lawliet is better than Edward Cullen**

**1)** L's hair is way cooler.

**2)** Intelligence. L was smarter at five than Edward is after living a hundred years and finishing school several times.

**3)** L can eat whatever the hell he wants. Eddy can't eat what he really wants too; human blood.

**4)** I'm sure L knows that vampires don't sparkle, so how come the supposed vampire Edward doesn't know it?

**5)** Vampires are supposed to be disgusting creatures of the night that terrify normal humans. L might be a little creepy, but in a cute kind of way.

**6)** L would not be afraid of Edward if they met, but Edward would sure as hell be worried about what L could do to him!

**7)** The Cullens may be rich, but they can't have all the world leaders snap to attention at a word.

**8)** Knowledge is power. Therefore, L has way more power.

**9)** Both L and Edward want to save human lives. L's motivation for this is way more noble than Edwards (guilt). L is also exponentially more successful in this endeavor.

**10)** Strawberries; L has 'em.

**11)** L is so awesome, smart people instinctively flock to him. Anyone smart instinctively stays away from Eddie.

**12)** Even though L lives in a world where shinigami exist, and you can kill someone with a book, his world is infinitely more realistic than Edwards.

**13)** L sees death and destruction on a daily basis. He doesn't get overly agitated over it, he deals. Edward would probably cry if he had to deal with a quarter of the things L does!

**14)** Everybody wants L. The only person who wants Edward is poor little misunderstood Bella Swan.

**15)** Edward and his family avoid the public in fear of their lives. L avoids the public not only because people WILL kill him if they get the chance, but also because lots of people love him, and would flock to him like sheep.

**16)** L. Just, L.

**17)** "What's in a name? That which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet."  
>Every name L goes by is infinitely cooler than ' Edward'.<p>

**18)** This ones a joke, but it still applies: There are two types of people in the universe, those that can extrapolate from incomplete data and...

**19)** L's smile is nicer than Edwards.

**20)** You hang out with L, you get infinite sweets and intellectual stimulation. You hang out with Edward, you get people looking at you funny and/or constantly warning you to stay away from him.

**21)** While Edward may be stronger and faster, he has no technique. L has a very distinctive style when he fights.

**22)** Intelligence. Have I already done several that say that L is smarter? Oh well. Its an important point.

**23)** L deserves awe and respect over what he has accomplished in his short life. Edward has lived for times as long, but only accomplished two things: becoming the living dead and marrying the living dead (yes, that was a crack at Bella).

**24)** L understands that it is physically impossible to impregnate a living being with undead spawn. Within days, the host (Bella) would have had a raging infection, and likely would have died before the child came to term.

**25)** Not trying to sound shallow, but L is damn SEXY. I would hump him all night if I could (ah, to trade places with Light... Lucky bastard). Edward is, quite frankly, ugly as sin. Why, oooooh why did Voldemort have to screw up and turn Cedric into a vampire?


	3. Chapter 3

**25 Chapter 2: Misa Amane is better than Bella Swan**

**1)** Misa is just plain hotter. She can make straight girls and gay males turn and stare when she walks by.

**2)** Misa Amane is, believe it or not, smarter than Bella Swan.

**3)** While Bella will always play second fiddle in her own story, Misa has the charisma necessary to make the focus on her.

**4)** Children. Bella will only ever have one child. Misa can have as many children as she wants, and teach them about Kira, and spread the word farther and longer than anticipated.

**5)** Misa holds way more power than Bella ever will. If she wanted to, she could have had Light doing her bidding. She chose not to utilize that power.

**6)** Misa affects things. She can change the course of history. Bella, quite simply, cannot.

**7)** The only thing Bella ever did was get married. Misa, on the other hand, became a famous model, murdered hundreds (thousands!) of people, and took part in the most difficult case in the world.

**8)** Confidence. Misa has way more confidence in herself and her abilities than Bella does.

**9)** Sure, Misa-Misa is annoying as hell, but at least she isn't a useless lump of flesh that just sits there doing nothing!

**10)** Reneesmee? Really Bella? Even Misa thinks thats a stupid name for your only child.

**11)** Bella got lucky in her 'life'. Misa knows how to work hard and got to where she was by sheer determination and will.

**12)** When her boyfriend left her, Bella pretty much lost her will to live. Misa was ready to get revenge if Light ever left her.

**13)** Misa's parents were murdered. When the culprit was murdered by Kira, she sought him out to thank him. When Bella's mother moved far away, Bella didn't seem to care much at all. Whats the moral here? Misa loved her parents more. Lol.

**14)** Misa knows what a proper date should be like.

**15)** Misa's voice may be high pitched and grating on the nerves, but it is still more dulcet than Bella's.

**16)** Misa knows where her heart is on every issue. Bella can't decide on anything for herself.

**17)** Bella doesn't have a rival in any sense of the word. Misa has three (L, for getting to spend more time with Light; Mikami, who got to be Kira when neither Light nor Misa could act; and Takada, for Light's ' love').

**18)** Misa looks good no matter what. Bella always looks washed out.

**19)** More people worldwide know who Misa Amane is than know of Bella Swan.

**20)** Misa has experienced true pain, chaos, and mayhem in her life, and is still an optimist. Bella is an eternal pessimist.

**21)** Misa is of legal age to do anything. Bella will forever be too young to drink. Lol.

**22)** Bella has a horrible hair color. Misa's hair might be dyed to hell, but it looks better than and more natural than Bella's.

**23)** Misa has a personality. Bella is blah.

**24)** Misa has money on her own, and doesn't have to count on her man to buy everything.

**25)** While Bella has several people/places/things at her disposal, Misa has the world.


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm gonna start this chapter of by saying "Yay, two reviews overnight! Glad you like it!" And I don't particularly like Light as a character, but he is essentially a good guy, and I would be lying if I were to say he isn't hot. XP**

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><p><strong><strong>25 Chapter 3: Light Yagami is better than Jacob Black<strong>**

**1)** I'm going to reuse an oldie, but a goodie. Intelligence. I'm noticing a pattern here. Even the stupid people in DN are smarter than anyone Stephenie Meyer created.

**2)** Light has better hair.

**3)** Light is Kira. Kira is God. Therefore, Light is God. Suck it, Jacob.

**4)** Light might be a playa, and dated several girls at once, but he has never tried to convince a girl that she's not really in love with the one she is in love with, just so he can date her instead.

**5)** I have a feeling that if guys were to start hitting on Jacob, he would get mad/frightened/weirded out, and it would be proven that he is a homophobe (hiss, boo!) Light on the other hand, would take it as it is, a compliment.

**6)** Jacob is a freaking pedophile! He's totally in love with a baby. Thats just creepy.

**7)** Light looks like a tanned god. Jacob looks like the color of mud, with too-white teeth.

**8)** I'm not usually a Light fan, but I would much rather stare at him shirtless all day then look at Jacobs body at all.

**9)** Jacob: Hey Light, you wanna go cliff diving?  
>Light: No thanks, I'm not stupid. I'd rather not possibly die.<br>Jacob: Ok. *Jumps off cliff.* *Dies*  
>Light: Lol. Told ya so.<p>

**10)** Lights best friend is also his rival/arch nemesis/smartest person in the world. Jacob doesn't seem to have a best friend, and his rival is a fake sparkly vampire.

**11)** They both attract pedophiles. Jacobs pedophiles: moms of teenage girls and toothless old ladies. Lights pedophiles: fine young men who are just a little too old for him. Which would you choose?

**12)** Light's fake girlfriend is better than Jacob's wannabe girlfriend.

**13)** Light has better nails.

**14)** Although I cannot sniff them to know for sure, I'm positive that Light smells better.

**15)** Light knows to shower daily. Jacob seems to have never gotten that memo, cause he always looks like he needs one, but never does.  
><strong>16)<strong> Light: Proper nutrition makes you strong.  
>Jacob: Nuh-uh. Lots of exercise and pancakes make you strong.<br>Light: *facepalm*

**17)** Jacob is, with the possible exception of the vampire father, the smartest person in twilight (naturally smartest. Many others have more knowledge than him, but given the same amount of time and resources, I have a feeling that Jacob would prove to be way smarter.) That being said, he is still no where as smart as even Matsuda.

**18)** Light got three separate people to give away half their life for him (Misa, Soichiro, and Mikami), to further his cause. Hell, Misa did it twice! Jacob would never be able to begin to accomplish this feat.

**19)** Jacob spends his days hanging out shirtless with a bunch of other shirtless dudes, but he never gets called gay. Even Light's dad has a sneaking suspicion his son might be gay, because he is metro. It seems to me that it should be the other way around. Don't get me wrong, gay is good, but its not fair.

**20)** Jacob would never have the guts to kill anybody.

**21)** Jacob doesn't want to make the world better; he wants to make his life better. Pretty selfish if you ask me.

**22)** I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say Light can cook better.

**23)** Light is willing to sacrifice his own father in his quest for the greater good.

**24)** Light's so pretty ^^ *hearts floating around*

**25)** Light lets people judge him based on his looks in order to circumvent any suspicion. With Jacob, what you see is what you get.


	5. Chapter 5

**25 Chapter 4: Touta Matsuda is better than SpongeBob SquarePants**

**Its likely in this one that you'll see Spongebob's name shortened to SBSP, so don't very confused!**

**1)** SpongeBob's laugh is so annoying it makes my ears bleed.

**2)** Although he definitely doesn't have as many fans, Matsuda's fans love him way more than SBSP's fans do!

**3)** Matsuda's name is easier to spell and pronounce.

**4)** Matsuda its wayyyyyy cuter *pets Matsuda*

**5)** Matsuda's closest friend (that we can tell) is a mass murderer. SBSP's best friend is a starfish.

**6)** Matsuda shot said closest friend when the time came and it needed to be done.

**7)** Matsuda is part of an elite task force, and works for the world's greatest detective.

**8)** SBSP has a 'holier than thou' attitude (yes, that was a really bad pun).

**9)** Black is better than yellow.

**10)** SBSP's skinny chicken legs scare me.

**11)** Matsuda has better jokes.

**12)** I'm sure there aren't nearly as many good stories about SBSP as there are about Matsuda.

**13)** I don't think anyone would want to see or care about seeing SBSP naked. Matsuda, on the other hand...

**14)** SBSP will never have a chance to fall in love with someone of his own species.

**15)** Matsuda is waaaaayyyy smarter.

**16)** Sponges fall apart with daily or rough use. Matsudas do not.

**17)** SBSP is a sea creature that shouldn't be able to do anything. Why oh why can he talk?

**18)** Can anyone fantasize about a sponge?

**19)** You have to be high for SBSP to make sense. Its better to be sober to understand DN.

**20)** Matsuda has better work ethics.

**21)** Matsuda is willing to do whatever is necessary to get the job done.

**22)** Matsuda is more lovable.

**23)** SBSP is surrounded by people that are even stupider than he is. Thats just scary.

**24)** Matsuda is a joyful person, but he isn't happy all the time. Thats just unnatural.

**25)** Eh, I don't like SpongeBob. Hate him. That is all.


	6. Chapter 6

**25 Chapter 5: Near is better than Pokemon**

**I don't think I can do 25 things about any one Pokemon, so I'll do five things for five cute Pokemon. I only know the first 151 Pokemon (I'm oldschool like that), so anything newer won't be showing up. The order will be 1-5 Eevee; 6-10 Mew; 11-15 Jigglypuff; 16-20 Togepi; 21-25 Butterfree.**

**1)** Eevee can't decide on its own what it will be when it grows up. Near knows that he's wanted to be L's successor since before he can remember.

**2)** Brown is an ugly color. Near's fluffeh whiteness its so much cuter!

**3)** Eevee is a rodent.

**4)** Near can hide better.

**5)** Near can grow up without using an outside object.

**6)** Mew might be incredibly adorable, but it won't let you cuddle it. Near wouldn't stop you from cuddling him.

**7)** Near its much less flighty.

**8)** Near has a prettier eye color.

**9)** Mew is a kitteh, and kittehs are common. There's only one Near.

**10)** Near is much harder to capture.

**11)** Jigglypuff's voice makes you fall asleep. Near's makes you listen carefully.

**12)** Jigglypuff isn't fluffy at all.

**13)** Near has a cuter voice.

**14)** Jigglypuff has weird feet.

**15)** In a fight, Near can do some damage, unlike Jigglypuff.

**16)** All Togepi says is pee pee. (lol)

**17)** Togepi is still in its shell. Near broke out of his (figuratively speaking, of course) at birth.

**18)** Togepi's 'hair' is spiky, not fluffy.

**19)** Togepi can do some really cool things, but not consistently. Near can perform at the same level every time he does something.

**20)** Togepi is annoying. Near is not.

**21)** Sure, Butterfree can fly, but Near doesn't need to fly to reach the sky (man, that was deep).

**22)** Butterfree has to go through two crappy forms before becoming awesome. Near was born that way.

**23)** Near doesn't have antennae or wings, but if he did, they'd look better on him than on Butterfree.

**24)** Near is just awesomer.

**25)** Near has better attacks.

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><p><strong>I have another note here, omg! The LightJacob, Matsuda/SBSP, and Near/Pokemon ones were done in one day. I'm almost done with another one. But don't expect this to be updated this much all the time. I'll run out of ideas of my own soon enough. That is all.**


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